Feel the Music

I just wanted to share something about me and my kids. We can be very goofy. I like to goof around and have fun with them. I love it when we get to laughing so hard we are crying. The older they get, the more we are like this. I loved it when they were little, but now they are like people. I know that sounds weird, but they have personalities now. They also make me feel younger. Since I have a teenager that is about to be 17, he takes me back. I have always loved music. I love the 80's, which I grew up in, I love the heavy metal hair bands, I love Christian rock, and I still love the techno, rave or dance music as some people call it. Derek, (my teenager) takes after me about music. I listen to music in the bathroom when I am getting ready, I am always listening to music in the car, when I am cleaning the house, whenever I work out at the gym with my ipod, any where possible. We even had speakers built into our living room walls for the surround sound and of course my music, and had speakers built into our patio, so I can listen to music on my swing. So you get the idea.

Anyway, me and the kids like to jam in the car. And we listen to it loud. Which would explain why I am partially deaf in my right ear. Derek is always finding music on itunes and lets me see if I like it. He listens to some stuff I cannot stand (you know the screaming crap) but most of it I like. And its funny when he comes across a song from the 80's that was redone by some group he listens to.

Today we went out to eat with some friends. Me and the kids went out to the car while Sean was paying and saying goodbye. Derek found some music the other day that is called dance, but it could be techno or rave music. It really makes you want to dance. So today while we were waiting in the car, we were singing and dancing in the car. I can only imagine what people thought. Loud music blaring from the car and the car shaking. And when Sean finally comes out and sees the car, he starts smiling and shaking his head. I think he thinks we are crazy. I love to dance too. And am getting Derek to dance. I will start dancing around the house when ever I can.

So my little life lesson for today is this: Feel the music and dance whenever possible. It makes me feel young again and makes me feel good whenever I am down. I cannot imagine life without it.

Anniversary

Today is my anniversary. I have been married to my awesome husband for 18 years now. I love him so much more than the day we got married. And I love him for so many things. We had only dated for about 5 months total when we got married. And we lived together (sorry mom) for about a month before we married. We have been through alot together. He allowed me to quit my job shortly after we were married because I hated it. And didn't expect me to get another one. Then, 6 months after we married, I found out I was pregnant. Derek was born on Sean's birthday (which is also Sean's mothers birthday). Then 3 months later Sean's grandfather died, and 3 months to the day, Sean's dad died. It was a rough year. Not only were we newly weds still, in my opinion, but to have all this happen so close together made life interesting. Sean went through a tough time dealing with all the deaths and all that that entails, but I also went through a tough time because I didn't really have a husband. The grief he went through was hard to watch. Things got better, and then we had Christopher 5 years and 5 days after Derek. Christopher's actual due date was the same as Derek's birthday. I could have had him on the same day because I was having a scheduled c-section, but I thought that 3 people in the same family on one birthday was enough. Having my second child was a hard adjustment. Derek and I lived by Sean's work schedule. (He worked at the Olive Garden) But Derek was going to start school soon, and now 2 kids was hard for me to function. But I finally got the hang of it and we made it. Sean started studying computers with a friend, and was able to get a job at Hastings Corporate office. Hanna was born almost 4 years after Christopher. Almost a year after having Hanna I got a job. Or rather it got me. I didn't go looking for it. I was approached about it and decided to take a job as a preschool teacher. And am still working there today. I lost my dad to heart problems almost 2 years ago. I am now looking to go back to school at almost 40, not exactly sure what I want to be, but I will figure it out when the time is right. But looking back over all these years, Sean and I have been through a lot together. There is more that I didn't right about, just because its more personal, but I am amazed how far we have come. I am so thankful that God put Sean in my life and we have chosen to make it work for a lifetime. I could not have made it without his support and love and understanding and forgiveness. I have had my moments in life that weren't easy for him to deal with, and vice versa, but I am so happy we have stuck it out together. I know that marriage is difficult, but wouldn't change a thing. All of this has made me who I am. I have made mistakes, and still will, but I just try harder every day. Ok, most days I try harder, some I just don't want to. Sean has supported me and the kids the whole time. We have struggled most of our married life, but we both wanted me to be a stay at home mom and were willing to make the sacrifices for this. Sean eventually went out on his own and we have finally been able to buy a house last year. God has blessed us in so many ways. Its amazing how He turns the bad into good. We still struggle, but I am getting used to it. Its just a part of life. But I don't want my life to ever be without Sean. He is my rock. He always helps me see that everything will be fine even when I am totally freaking out. And yes, that's one of my little secrets, I freak out. I love you so much Sean and thank you for always being there for me and the kids. Happy Anniversary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Time is flying by, or so it seems

Today was a milestone for Derek. He finished Road Runner and can now get his license. I can't believe my son can drive. I have been in the car with him driving, and am just a little worried. He is still needing more practice, which we will do before he gets his license. He isn't doing bad, its just you can see his inexperience. Which makes me wonder why they don't make the kids have more hours in the car than 7 driving, and 7 observation. That's why nearly all of them have accidents. But I am proud of him, he has done pretty well with me yelling at him in the car. I really wish I had that brake thing when he is driving.

We got through the summer basically going to the pool, hanging out, and being lazy. When school started, I was ready. I was ready to get back into a routine. Except for the fact I can't seem to get myself organized. And now that we are into our 7th week of school, I still feel a little overwhelmed. I'm not really sure why. I seem to stay busy all the time, but if I were to tell you what I did, it wouldn't sound like much. The kids are doing pretty good in school. We get report cards this week, so I will really know for sure. Christopher is having a hard time being responsible and staying on top of his assignments. I have had the teachers call me 3 times this 6 weeks. He has ADD, or at least that is what the school diagnosed him with, and he really has a hard time staying focused. And when he is working, the slightest noise distracts him. I am glad that the teachers have called me so that I can be on top of this, its just very frustrating. Derek is your typical teenager. That should explain it. And Hanna is taking after me. She worries about little things, enough to make her get an upset stomach sometimes. But she is my easiest child even though she is emotional. It doesn't take her long to get over being mad, or hurt, and she just loves everybody.

Hanna's birthday is coming up on Sunday. I can't believe she is going to be 8. I guess because she is my last child, her birthdays are somewhat sad for me. She is another year older and another year closer to leaving the nest. She is very affectionate, more so than my boys, she usually wants to go every where with me and hang out with me, but she is starting to change a little. She doesn't always have to go with me to the store, and would rather play with friends if she has the chance, than watching a movie with me. She is showing more and more of her independence, which I am glad, but it still makes me sad just a little. I love all of my children so much, but watching your baby grow up is the hardest thing for me.

Parenting

Ok, I know its been a while since I posted. I was going to post sooner, but I had asked a friend to help me do a make over on my blog and teach me how to put pictures on it, but I never got over to her house for the help. And the post I want to write about needs pictures. So hopefully, I will get that done soon. But until then, I just have to talk about parenting. It seems things in our family go pretty normal, nothing too exciting to write about, then I get several things at once.

First, Christopher went to Duct Tape this Monday thru Wednesday. Its a mission trip for the younger kids in Amarillo. They stay at other people's homes and help out in some way. This year they "walked like Jesus" around a neighborhood and visited older people, they took smaller kids to the park, sang, and they also went to the Faith City Ministries where they met "cool" homeless people (that's Christopher's exact words) and talked to them. It was apparently one of those life changing things for Christopher. I had a hard time leaving him Monday morning because Chris is very shy and doesn't have a whole lot of friends yet at Southwest. When we got there, we looked for people he knew, and there wasn't any there yet. It broke my heart to leave him alone, but I knew in my heart he would be fine. Its just hard. Later that evening, one of my good friends found out how he was doing. Of course he was doing great and having a good time with his new friends. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, Christopher and I had a discussion about God. I learned that he was afraid of God, like He was a horrible being that was out to hurt you in some way. Now he knows better after this trip. He has told me several times that he had a good time, is glad that he went, and he feels different. And he has acted different. He is trying to get along with his sister, and is quick to respond when I ask him to do something. Not even a grip when I ask him to go to bed. I love to see God working in my kids life. I am so proud of Christopher. I call him my Crispy Critter.

One of the funny things that has happened this week was with Hanna. I spent half of the day registering my kids for school on Thursday and Derek was the last one. We had to go to the councilor to get one of his classes changed. We were on the way out of the building when I said to Derek I hope he gets that class changed or he could be in for a bumpy ride and Derek said yeah, that would suck butt. Then Hanna yells loudly, "That sucks butt". How do you punish your child when you are laughing so hard. Of course later I had to have that talk with Derek about not talking that way in front of his siblings. And tell Hanna not to say that again.

Parenting is very hard. I tell Sean alot, that I don't want to be the parent any more. There are just times you aren't sure what is the right way to handle things. I wish we were given a book at the very beginning that had all the answers in it. If your child does this, this is what you do and it would work. As your children get older, it just gets harder. Why can't I just put my 16 year old in the corner for a few minutes and then things are better. I know I made mistakes when I was younger, we all did, but when its actually your own child, you just wonder why do they have to make these same mistakes, why don't they just listen. It drives me crazy. I am sure my parents thought the same thing. How can you love someone so much, yet they can drive you so crazy.

Summer Life

Ok, so I'm not so good at titles, but this is about some of the stuff that has been going on in my life right now and its summer. First, I just have to let you know how excited I am about the fact that Abba music is now popular again and there is a movie about it. I loved them when I was in junior high. And of course now I am getting Hanna to love them too. I am always listening to music in my car and me and my kids sing alot. Well, Hanna sings with me now, Derek's taste has changed and he listens to Christian metal (I guess that's what its called) and I can't even understand what the heck they are saying and Chris won't sing at all. Abba sings a song called "Gimme Gimme a Man after Midnight", which has a catchy tune. Well to hear a 7 year old sing "Gimme Gimme a man after midnight" is funny but not right. So I told Hanna she could only sing it in the car with me or in her room by herself. That's all I need is some mom asking me what am I exposing my child to. Hanna did ask me what it means "Gimme a man after midnight" and I told her that the girl singing the song is lonely and wants a husband to sleep with like me and daddy (I mean really sleep) so she won't be lonely any more. I thought I did well.

Derek is now working at Long John Silvers on Western. And likes it better than the Big Texan. There was an incident where one of the managers asked Derek to set up a 7 top, so he did. She got angry after he was done and pulled him by the hair to the table and told him this was not a 9 top and to fix it. She was written up, but I don't know if they did anything to her or not. We decided to let Derek finish the rest of his schedule for the week, and find something else. Sean and I discussed it whether he should give a two week notice, but decided they didn't deserve it. I'm not bad mouthing them, the food is great, but the management sucks. The first night he worked at Long John's was great. Derek said the manager didn't yell at him once. Apparently, he was yelled at on a regular basis at the other job.

We bought our house in September of last year. It is our first one, so we are getting used to all the maintenance stuff. And being summer, we have delegated chores for the kids. Christopher has gotten the chore of mowing the yard. We have done a lot of work to get our yard to look good. When I was growing up, we always had a great yard to play in and I loved to lay in the grass. So I am excited that we have that for them now, course they probably don't appreciate it right now. Any way, Christopher mowed one evening when Sean was working late and when I went to see the front yard, well, lets just say we called our lawn the Dr. Suess yard of the neighborhood. There were what looked like hills, in no rhyme or reason. Come to find out the mower wasn't level on both sides. So the next time Chris had to mow, Sean checked the mower to make sure it was even. But watching Christopher mow and Sean telling him how to watch where you are going, try to follow the lines and overlap so we don't have the Dr. Suess look, made me think about how hard it is to get your kids to put their best into everything they do. They seem to only put their best into what they want. Just like me sometimes. It says in the bible, do your best at all things all the time, (not in those words, but you know what I mean). So I wonder, does God want to spank us when we half way do something, like I do with my kids? I love that God gives me these moments in life to be able to step back and remember I am not perfect, that I need to try harder also, and not to be so hard on my kids, because I was once in their shoes.

Hanna

God blessed me with 2 sons and then a daughter. Its amazing how different they all are, and my relationship with each one. But girls are so different from boys. And there is just an amazing connection or bond between a mother and daughter. Hanna and I spend a lot of time together. We go shopping together, she comes with me to appointments, we hang out and watch tv together, play games together, color together, just all kinds of things. When we are at home, she will play in her room for a while, but she will come out and check to see where I am or what I am doing. If we are watching tv, she has some body part touching me or laying on me (she is very affectionate). If I leave her at home when I go somewhere, (with Sean or Derek, of course) she will call me several times to ask what I am doing, when I am coming home, or just to tell me she loves me. She is always drawing me pictures or writing me notes. When she gets into trouble, she may run to her room crying, but she will come out a little later and apologize. She is good at cleaning up after herself. She keeps her room picked up. If she gets stuff out to play, she puts it back up when she is done. If I ask her to do something, she usually does it right then. She seems to like to be around me alot. And right now as I am typing this in my bedroom, she has brought crayons and a coloring book in here to be near me. She tries to take care of me when I am sick, and sometimes she will just do things out of the blue. For instance the other night Hanna and I went to Walmart to buy groceries. She ended up having to push a cart too because I bought so much. We got home and unloaded it all, with the help of Sean and Christopher, and Derek called to be picked up from work. We got all of the refrigerator and freezer stuff put up and I told her to start getting ready for bed while I picked up Derek. When I got home she had put up all the rest of the groceries and got ready for bed. All by herself. Sean didn't help her. I was so proud.

I have a pretty good relationship with my boys, but not like I do with Hanna, and it isn't from a lack of trying. I love them all equally, but that bond between a mother and her daughter or daughters is something that cannot really be explained, its just there. I thank God everyday for my children. Being a parent is by far the most rewarding thing I have done in this life.

When did I become my parents

OK, this summer has started out with a trend. Most of my friends that read this have children younger than mine, but some around the same age. Mine are 16, 11, and 7. (Mom, I don't mean this as a bad thing) I have become my parents. This is a typical day for me with my kids: (me telling them) don't eat food in the living room or your bedroom, pick up your dirty socks and underwear from yesterday and put them in the hamper, (the boys) NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THAT, put your dirty dishes in the sink or dishwasher, not all over the kitchen, only use one to two glasses a day, not eight, clean up any mess that you make in the kitchen, (you guys are driving me crazy), short drive Sean says, Chris and Hanna, stop bugging the crap out of each other, don't touch or look at each other, don't even breath near each other, close that door, you don't have to pay the electric bill, no you can't have that, again, no you can't have that, money doesn't grow on trees, put the cats down, when they growl at you that means they aren't happy, flush the potty, again, NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THAT OR SMELL IT, wipe off the counter in the bathroom, there is water every where, wash the toothpaste down the drain, Derek, the trash is overflowing, take it out, Chris, take a bath and fix your hair, it looks like someone got the hand mixer stuck in your hair, Hanna, not so much perfume, when you guys carry things around the house try not to hit the walls again, put up your bikes, scooters, etc., feed the cats, that's why they keep running into the kitchen every time you get up, try to keep bathwater in the bathtub, hang your towels up, and so on. They aren't that bad everyday, but sometimes it feels like it. They really are good kids, and I love them to death, and do what I ask of them, most of the time, they are just in a lazy mode like I am since its summer and don't want to have to do a lot.

Summer

I have started my blog thinking I have lots to write about, but then the days start to go by and little things happen and I wonder if I should write about them or are they stupid. Like last night I was watching tv and one of my cats was playing with something. I thought it was a centipede, by the size of it and the way it was shaped (we had a couple at our old house). I yelled at Derek to bring his big skating shoe to kill it. Christopher comes running in to see it and starts laughing cause its actually string.

We really aren't doing much this summer. I take Derek to work, take the kids to the pool, take Hanna to Cheer Texas for tumbling, run around with friends having lunch or some shopping on occasion, sleeping in, trying to stay cool, and after about 4 weeks of having some different health issues going on and wondering if I am ever going to feel normal, that has been my life. I have read different friends blogs to see what I could be writing about. Still I come to a blank on what to write about other than the one thing I still feel I am missing in my life. I read a blog from another friends blog (Keri) and the person wrote about how she got to where she is with her relationship with God. I want more God. Now that may sound funny, but its true. It seems to be that the older I get, and the more stuff I see in the world going on, I find myself craving to have that kind of relationship with him. I guess I do keep him at arms length, so I won't feel let down by him, or not enough Faith. I know without a doubt I have been blessed. I have 3 kids that are great, I have a great husband who works hard to take care of us, we have a nice home that we were recently blessed with, we have cars, food, friends from our old church, slowly making new friendships at the new church, I'm sorry, didn't mean to rattle on, but you get the point. But I have kept him at arms length. Not quite knowing why I have done this. But we are a broken world and we are broken people. Including me. This world can be a scary place. I think that is why I am craving him more. I want that relationship with God that I see others having. They have a peace about them. Even though they have some of the most horrible things happen to them in this life, they get through it and can still be at peace and happy. I am now working on my new journey in this life and including God in all things. I no longer want him at arms length. I want him in my heart in everything.

The Big Texan Adventure

Derek works at the Big Texan, and during the summer its a big tourist attraction. He started working there two summers ago. He would come home and tell me about the people that came to eat there. There were some from different countries. And this year is no different. Yesterday, after I picked him up he started telling me about some Italian superheroes that came in. I was a little confused at first until he explained. These four people from Italy dressed in superhero costumes (Superman, Robin, Captain Planet, and Flash) came in to eat and also were filming the restaurant for a show in Italy. Two of the superheroes attempted to eat the 72 oz. steaks, but didn't make it in time. There were also two other men trying to eat the steak and one of the men finished with 4 seconds left and ran to the bathroom but didn't make it. Derek had to clean up his mess, and while he was doing this, he was interviewed by Captain Planet while Flash was filming it all. They also filmed the man in the bathroom throwing up. Then they went into the kitchen uninvited and tried to film in there but were kicked out. So my son will be a star in Italy and we won't even know it.

Scary Movies

I have to tell a funny about my oldest son Derek. I went to Hastings the other day to rent movies. We had seen all the good ones out already, so I ended up getting some cheesy funny ones and a couple of B scary movies. You may think I am a bad mom, but I let my kids watch the scary ones. I don't get the satanic ones or slaughter movies, but more along the lines of vampires, werewolves and some supernatural stuff. Well, the one I rented is called White Noise 2. Chris, Hanna and I watched it that evening, and Derek watched it later when he got home from work. It wasn't too bad, and didn't freak out Hanna or Chris. But if it did bother one of them it would have been Chris. The next morning I got up and saw the living room lamp on and the boys closet light on. I thought it was probably Chris. Later in the day I was talking to the kids about it and found out it was actually Derek. Now remember he is 16 and knows this stuff isn't real, and has grown up watching this stuff. But I found it really funny because he told me he walked through the house checking things out and even came into my room and checked on me and Sean. But that part also freaked me out because I didn't know he did that and would I sleep through someone breaking into my house and walking around it.

Mothers-in-law

I just wonder if there are other people that have strange mother-in-laws like I do. First, I have to give a little background. Sean's dad died about 16 years ago. His mother moved to Amarillo shortly after his death. She was later diagnosed with manic depression, which I think she had even before his dad died, because of some of the things I saw her do early in our marriage. She has been seeing a psychiatrist for about 14 to 15 years. Now, I may be wrong, but the main thing that she does for my mother-in-law is check her medicine and ask her a few questions to make sure its working for her. I have been told she is on at least 4 antidepressants. Now I am not against meds, because I have been on antidepressants in the past, and also saw a counselor to help me work out my problems. Which I think that's suppose to be how it works, take medicine, talk about your problems, get better. (I do realize that it isn't always that easy.) But I do realize that some people need to stay on medicine for longer or forever, also. My mother-in-law just hasn't gotten better, actually worse. Anyway, on to my story.

This weekend, Sean went to help his mother with sawing down limbs to a tree in her backyard that she is trying to get rid of, the hard way. When he came home he had a list of things on a post-it she had written out for us, and the title of the list was Mothers Day presents for Mom. The list was, 1. Cut down limbs on tree, 2. hook up new speakers to tv, 3. hook up old speakers to computer, 4. put up smoke alarm, and 5. LaJonna, make me a cake, a simple one. The list was for this year, because when we had lunch with her on mother's day, we didn't give her a present. Now, we were going to give her a gift card, but I was sick the day before and couldn't get it and Sean was working. She is just a hard person to buy for, and you really aren't getting the whole picture of her in my blog. It would take years to tell you, or have known our family for a while to hear us talk about it all. When I read the note, I was talking to my mom on the phone. I told my mom as I was laughing, this is one of those things in life you just have to laugh at or I would get mad about it. I have in the past gotten mad about the things she says or does, and they all (I mean all) include expecting us to do things for her. And she only calls when she wants something. I try to not get mad cause it eats at me. So Saturday I chose to laugh. Maybe it will make some of you laugh too. I feel for Sean, because I have a pretty close relationship with my mom. We have had our ups and downs, but we have over come them. I love my mom very much and probably don't show it enough. I can call and talk to her on the phone, (she lives in Dumas) and have what I feel is a normal conversation. If I want advice, I ask. Its just so different from Sean's mom. I hear from different friends about the relationships they have with their mother-in-laws and am a little jealous. I just will never have that kind of relationship with mine. "That's life".

Teenagers

As I was sitting at the pool today talking with a couple of my good friends, one of them (Shannon) asks me if I have seen the movie Ratatoullie. I have, and for those of you that have, remember the guy with the curly hair with the mouse? Well, that is the animated version of my oldest son Derek. He has the curly hair, the slightly larger nose, goofy, and clumsy. I love him to death! We have a very good relationship, and he is pretty open with me about teenage things. I ask a lot of questions, and he knows that, I may not approve of everything, and he may still get punished for what he has done, he still tells me a lot about his friends and things they do. He is 16 and does not yet have his license. He has taken the written part, but has not done the driving part. I can't teach him, because I grew up in Dumas, a small town, and you don't drive over 35 in town. I am too afraid for both of us if I try to teach him and Sean is too busy with work. So, he isn't bugging me to get him in Road Runner, and I haven't pushed much. He knows the ball is in his court. But we were going to get him enrolled one day about a month ago, but because he left his drivers permit in his pocket, it got washed and fell apart. So we had to go to the DMV to get a new one before he enrolled. Well, I drive us there and am ready to wait in the car for a while, when about a minute later he comes back to the car and says there is a long line, can we come back tomorrow? I of course start laughing. When is there ever not a line? He of course doesn't get it and gets mad. He is a teenager and thinks that he knows everything. Its hard not to think of him as an adult sometimes, because he is taller than me. But I heard or read that you don't really think as an adult until around the age of 22. I think back to when I was a teenager, and their way of thinking hasn't changed much from then. You think you know everything, and you think you know whats best for you.

I can't believe my son is 16. I just don't know where the time went. Although I miss the little Derek, I am happy with who he is becoming (for the most part, I wish he would make better grades, but that's another blog). He has a good heart, looks don't matter, he will be your friend if you let him, he has a good sense of humor, loves music, loves to help people and loves the Lord. I think Sean and I have done a pretty good job. But I know there will be more blogs to come that I will be gripping because he is driving me crazy, or did something stupid. You know its gonna happen.

I will post pictures as soon as I figure out how.

Its Summer

I decided to start a blog, like so many of my friends, because I enjoy reading about their lives and families, that you may not mention in a casual conversation. As well as I think it might be somewhat theraputic for me. I am a stress monkey. Even my closest friends my not know this. I know with all my heart God is in control of everything. Yet I stress. People tell me to give it to God. Well, when I pray and ask God to take it or tell him I am giving it to him, I still have it. I wonder if there is some special way to do this that I am missing. My wonderful husband tells me the same thing. Now I mean he is wonderful, because he lives with me and goes through this with me on a regular basis. I wonder if my faith is not strong enough. Is that why I can't let go? Maybe. Just like all Christians, I struggle.

Ok, onto my day. It wasn't very exciting. Me and the kids went to the pool for the first time this summer. It was nice to be in the sun and in the water again. I also taught Derek how to cook sloppy joes. He informed me that every time we have them, he will do the cooking. Now I just need to teach him so much more so I can get out of that job.