Christopher

I don't write a lot about Christopher, not because I don't want to, but because he's sort of my shy child. He can be lots of fun to be around, but he tends to be more quiet and mumbles alot. But today he pulled a funny that made me laugh so hard I could hardly tell Sean what Christopher said. Sean, me and Christopher went to eat and then went to Hastings to rent movies. After we got movies, we went to check out the books. While Sean and I were looking at some cookbooks, Sean started walking to look at some others and Christopher saw a display with some Christian shirts on it. One of the shirts said, "Pick Jesus." Christopher read the shirt out loud, "Pick Jesus," Who is Jesus? Then Christopher says oh. His brain kicked in and remembered. I started laughing and almost couldn't tell Sean what he said. I asked them how long have we gone to church? I too have brain farts, but not quite like that.

Aging

I never thought my age would ever bother me. I will be 40 in March. My oldest son Derek just turned 17. Its all just so surreal. I don't feel old. I can remember when in high school, thinking 40 year olds were old. Now that I am there, I sort of wish I could turn back the clock. There are things in my life that I have done and wish I could do over. I try not to regret what I have done, because it all has made me the person I am today. I can't help but wonder sometimes the "what ifs". I hope that is normal. I know I have changed alot since I was in high school. But in some ways, I am still the same. I love to laugh, have fun, hang out with friends, and love to listen to music loud. Now Sean and our children have to deal with me instead of my parents. Derek and I have a really good relationship. And I can sort of remember back to the high school days and help him out. I have had some very interesting conversations with him that my parents would never have had with me. Dealing with my kids and life issues is what really makes me feel like an adult. Not old. Derek sort of makes me feel younger. I know teenagers are suppose to be stressful and make you go gray, but so far Derek hasn't been to bad. And I have colored my hair for so many years now, I have no idea if I have any gray. Now talk to me in about 3 years when Christopher is a teenager. Then I may change my tune. And after Chris, is Hanna. And I know a girl teenager is going to be so different. I am going to start back to college in the fall, which scares the crap out of me. Its been so long since I was in school. Then I think am I to old to do this? Which I know its never to late to go back. So 40 is not old, its just a number. And I have some wonderful friends who are younger than me that help me stay young too.

On a side note, Derek's birthday was last Saturday, and one of the things he wanted, was to get his ear pierced. I didn't care, mainly because he can take the earring out and its gone if he doesn't want it any more. But we had a tough time convincing his daddy of that one. After several days of thinking about it, Sean finally agreed. So we took him to the mall and got his ear pierced. And I wouldn't doubt it if he gets a tattoo when he is 18. I can't say much about that since I have 2 and about to get another one. But I can hide mine if I need to.

A Parents most Scary Moment

As most of you might know, Derek is now driving. And we got him a car sometime before Thanksgiving. He is driving very good. Took some time, but he has finally gotten it. He doesn't drive all over Amarillo, usually just to and from school, to and from work, and if I need him to go to the store for me. Well, last night I had the worst feeling a parent could ever have. That sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. Derek worked last night. Sean and I had been at a friends birthday party and then went out to eat. So it was around 10:30 when we were coming home. When we got to the intersection closest to our house we could see that there had been a bad accident. There were flairs on the ground, cones blocking most of the road, glass everywhere, and a smashed car. I looked at the car and thought it was Derek's. Sean immediately got on the phone and called Derek's cell, but no answer. So we called Long Johns, that's where he works, and it took them forever to answer. But thank God, Derek was there, all safe and sound. I have to say, that is the first time I have ever had that feeling. It was a scary feeling I hope to never, ever have again. Needless to say, when he came home, I gave him a hug.

Feel the Music

I just wanted to share something about me and my kids. We can be very goofy. I like to goof around and have fun with them. I love it when we get to laughing so hard we are crying. The older they get, the more we are like this. I loved it when they were little, but now they are like people. I know that sounds weird, but they have personalities now. They also make me feel younger. Since I have a teenager that is about to be 17, he takes me back. I have always loved music. I love the 80's, which I grew up in, I love the heavy metal hair bands, I love Christian rock, and I still love the techno, rave or dance music as some people call it. Derek, (my teenager) takes after me about music. I listen to music in the bathroom when I am getting ready, I am always listening to music in the car, when I am cleaning the house, whenever I work out at the gym with my ipod, any where possible. We even had speakers built into our living room walls for the surround sound and of course my music, and had speakers built into our patio, so I can listen to music on my swing. So you get the idea.

Anyway, me and the kids like to jam in the car. And we listen to it loud. Which would explain why I am partially deaf in my right ear. Derek is always finding music on itunes and lets me see if I like it. He listens to some stuff I cannot stand (you know the screaming crap) but most of it I like. And its funny when he comes across a song from the 80's that was redone by some group he listens to.

Today we went out to eat with some friends. Me and the kids went out to the car while Sean was paying and saying goodbye. Derek found some music the other day that is called dance, but it could be techno or rave music. It really makes you want to dance. So today while we were waiting in the car, we were singing and dancing in the car. I can only imagine what people thought. Loud music blaring from the car and the car shaking. And when Sean finally comes out and sees the car, he starts smiling and shaking his head. I think he thinks we are crazy. I love to dance too. And am getting Derek to dance. I will start dancing around the house when ever I can.

So my little life lesson for today is this: Feel the music and dance whenever possible. It makes me feel young again and makes me feel good whenever I am down. I cannot imagine life without it.

Anniversary

Today is my anniversary. I have been married to my awesome husband for 18 years now. I love him so much more than the day we got married. And I love him for so many things. We had only dated for about 5 months total when we got married. And we lived together (sorry mom) for about a month before we married. We have been through alot together. He allowed me to quit my job shortly after we were married because I hated it. And didn't expect me to get another one. Then, 6 months after we married, I found out I was pregnant. Derek was born on Sean's birthday (which is also Sean's mothers birthday). Then 3 months later Sean's grandfather died, and 3 months to the day, Sean's dad died. It was a rough year. Not only were we newly weds still, in my opinion, but to have all this happen so close together made life interesting. Sean went through a tough time dealing with all the deaths and all that that entails, but I also went through a tough time because I didn't really have a husband. The grief he went through was hard to watch. Things got better, and then we had Christopher 5 years and 5 days after Derek. Christopher's actual due date was the same as Derek's birthday. I could have had him on the same day because I was having a scheduled c-section, but I thought that 3 people in the same family on one birthday was enough. Having my second child was a hard adjustment. Derek and I lived by Sean's work schedule. (He worked at the Olive Garden) But Derek was going to start school soon, and now 2 kids was hard for me to function. But I finally got the hang of it and we made it. Sean started studying computers with a friend, and was able to get a job at Hastings Corporate office. Hanna was born almost 4 years after Christopher. Almost a year after having Hanna I got a job. Or rather it got me. I didn't go looking for it. I was approached about it and decided to take a job as a preschool teacher. And am still working there today. I lost my dad to heart problems almost 2 years ago. I am now looking to go back to school at almost 40, not exactly sure what I want to be, but I will figure it out when the time is right. But looking back over all these years, Sean and I have been through a lot together. There is more that I didn't right about, just because its more personal, but I am amazed how far we have come. I am so thankful that God put Sean in my life and we have chosen to make it work for a lifetime. I could not have made it without his support and love and understanding and forgiveness. I have had my moments in life that weren't easy for him to deal with, and vice versa, but I am so happy we have stuck it out together. I know that marriage is difficult, but wouldn't change a thing. All of this has made me who I am. I have made mistakes, and still will, but I just try harder every day. Ok, most days I try harder, some I just don't want to. Sean has supported me and the kids the whole time. We have struggled most of our married life, but we both wanted me to be a stay at home mom and were willing to make the sacrifices for this. Sean eventually went out on his own and we have finally been able to buy a house last year. God has blessed us in so many ways. Its amazing how He turns the bad into good. We still struggle, but I am getting used to it. Its just a part of life. But I don't want my life to ever be without Sean. He is my rock. He always helps me see that everything will be fine even when I am totally freaking out. And yes, that's one of my little secrets, I freak out. I love you so much Sean and thank you for always being there for me and the kids. Happy Anniversary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Time is flying by, or so it seems

Today was a milestone for Derek. He finished Road Runner and can now get his license. I can't believe my son can drive. I have been in the car with him driving, and am just a little worried. He is still needing more practice, which we will do before he gets his license. He isn't doing bad, its just you can see his inexperience. Which makes me wonder why they don't make the kids have more hours in the car than 7 driving, and 7 observation. That's why nearly all of them have accidents. But I am proud of him, he has done pretty well with me yelling at him in the car. I really wish I had that brake thing when he is driving.

We got through the summer basically going to the pool, hanging out, and being lazy. When school started, I was ready. I was ready to get back into a routine. Except for the fact I can't seem to get myself organized. And now that we are into our 7th week of school, I still feel a little overwhelmed. I'm not really sure why. I seem to stay busy all the time, but if I were to tell you what I did, it wouldn't sound like much. The kids are doing pretty good in school. We get report cards this week, so I will really know for sure. Christopher is having a hard time being responsible and staying on top of his assignments. I have had the teachers call me 3 times this 6 weeks. He has ADD, or at least that is what the school diagnosed him with, and he really has a hard time staying focused. And when he is working, the slightest noise distracts him. I am glad that the teachers have called me so that I can be on top of this, its just very frustrating. Derek is your typical teenager. That should explain it. And Hanna is taking after me. She worries about little things, enough to make her get an upset stomach sometimes. But she is my easiest child even though she is emotional. It doesn't take her long to get over being mad, or hurt, and she just loves everybody.

Hanna's birthday is coming up on Sunday. I can't believe she is going to be 8. I guess because she is my last child, her birthdays are somewhat sad for me. She is another year older and another year closer to leaving the nest. She is very affectionate, more so than my boys, she usually wants to go every where with me and hang out with me, but she is starting to change a little. She doesn't always have to go with me to the store, and would rather play with friends if she has the chance, than watching a movie with me. She is showing more and more of her independence, which I am glad, but it still makes me sad just a little. I love all of my children so much, but watching your baby grow up is the hardest thing for me.

Parenting

Ok, I know its been a while since I posted. I was going to post sooner, but I had asked a friend to help me do a make over on my blog and teach me how to put pictures on it, but I never got over to her house for the help. And the post I want to write about needs pictures. So hopefully, I will get that done soon. But until then, I just have to talk about parenting. It seems things in our family go pretty normal, nothing too exciting to write about, then I get several things at once.

First, Christopher went to Duct Tape this Monday thru Wednesday. Its a mission trip for the younger kids in Amarillo. They stay at other people's homes and help out in some way. This year they "walked like Jesus" around a neighborhood and visited older people, they took smaller kids to the park, sang, and they also went to the Faith City Ministries where they met "cool" homeless people (that's Christopher's exact words) and talked to them. It was apparently one of those life changing things for Christopher. I had a hard time leaving him Monday morning because Chris is very shy and doesn't have a whole lot of friends yet at Southwest. When we got there, we looked for people he knew, and there wasn't any there yet. It broke my heart to leave him alone, but I knew in my heart he would be fine. Its just hard. Later that evening, one of my good friends found out how he was doing. Of course he was doing great and having a good time with his new friends. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, Christopher and I had a discussion about God. I learned that he was afraid of God, like He was a horrible being that was out to hurt you in some way. Now he knows better after this trip. He has told me several times that he had a good time, is glad that he went, and he feels different. And he has acted different. He is trying to get along with his sister, and is quick to respond when I ask him to do something. Not even a grip when I ask him to go to bed. I love to see God working in my kids life. I am so proud of Christopher. I call him my Crispy Critter.

One of the funny things that has happened this week was with Hanna. I spent half of the day registering my kids for school on Thursday and Derek was the last one. We had to go to the councilor to get one of his classes changed. We were on the way out of the building when I said to Derek I hope he gets that class changed or he could be in for a bumpy ride and Derek said yeah, that would suck butt. Then Hanna yells loudly, "That sucks butt". How do you punish your child when you are laughing so hard. Of course later I had to have that talk with Derek about not talking that way in front of his siblings. And tell Hanna not to say that again.

Parenting is very hard. I tell Sean alot, that I don't want to be the parent any more. There are just times you aren't sure what is the right way to handle things. I wish we were given a book at the very beginning that had all the answers in it. If your child does this, this is what you do and it would work. As your children get older, it just gets harder. Why can't I just put my 16 year old in the corner for a few minutes and then things are better. I know I made mistakes when I was younger, we all did, but when its actually your own child, you just wonder why do they have to make these same mistakes, why don't they just listen. It drives me crazy. I am sure my parents thought the same thing. How can you love someone so much, yet they can drive you so crazy.