Aging

I never thought my age would ever bother me. I will be 40 in March. My oldest son Derek just turned 17. Its all just so surreal. I don't feel old. I can remember when in high school, thinking 40 year olds were old. Now that I am there, I sort of wish I could turn back the clock. There are things in my life that I have done and wish I could do over. I try not to regret what I have done, because it all has made me the person I am today. I can't help but wonder sometimes the "what ifs". I hope that is normal. I know I have changed alot since I was in high school. But in some ways, I am still the same. I love to laugh, have fun, hang out with friends, and love to listen to music loud. Now Sean and our children have to deal with me instead of my parents. Derek and I have a really good relationship. And I can sort of remember back to the high school days and help him out. I have had some very interesting conversations with him that my parents would never have had with me. Dealing with my kids and life issues is what really makes me feel like an adult. Not old. Derek sort of makes me feel younger. I know teenagers are suppose to be stressful and make you go gray, but so far Derek hasn't been to bad. And I have colored my hair for so many years now, I have no idea if I have any gray. Now talk to me in about 3 years when Christopher is a teenager. Then I may change my tune. And after Chris, is Hanna. And I know a girl teenager is going to be so different. I am going to start back to college in the fall, which scares the crap out of me. Its been so long since I was in school. Then I think am I to old to do this? Which I know its never to late to go back. So 40 is not old, its just a number. And I have some wonderful friends who are younger than me that help me stay young too.

On a side note, Derek's birthday was last Saturday, and one of the things he wanted, was to get his ear pierced. I didn't care, mainly because he can take the earring out and its gone if he doesn't want it any more. But we had a tough time convincing his daddy of that one. After several days of thinking about it, Sean finally agreed. So we took him to the mall and got his ear pierced. And I wouldn't doubt it if he gets a tattoo when he is 18. I can't say much about that since I have 2 and about to get another one. But I can hide mine if I need to.

A Parents most Scary Moment

As most of you might know, Derek is now driving. And we got him a car sometime before Thanksgiving. He is driving very good. Took some time, but he has finally gotten it. He doesn't drive all over Amarillo, usually just to and from school, to and from work, and if I need him to go to the store for me. Well, last night I had the worst feeling a parent could ever have. That sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. Derek worked last night. Sean and I had been at a friends birthday party and then went out to eat. So it was around 10:30 when we were coming home. When we got to the intersection closest to our house we could see that there had been a bad accident. There were flairs on the ground, cones blocking most of the road, glass everywhere, and a smashed car. I looked at the car and thought it was Derek's. Sean immediately got on the phone and called Derek's cell, but no answer. So we called Long Johns, that's where he works, and it took them forever to answer. But thank God, Derek was there, all safe and sound. I have to say, that is the first time I have ever had that feeling. It was a scary feeling I hope to never, ever have again. Needless to say, when he came home, I gave him a hug.